Happy New Year

My boys are finally both sound asleep in their respective beds… baby with his arms up over his head because his swaddles are all dirty unless there’s another one hiding where I can’t find it.  Hubby sleeps on, in spite of the past 2 hours’ feeding and Hui.1′s resistance to fall asleep by himself.  Jesse.1 and my best friend’s daughter are finally sound asleep on the futon, chatty little girls enjoying their youth via sleepovers and secrets into the wee hours of the morning.  I think we all fell asleep by 1am and baby woke up at 5.

I’m awake, wondering when I’m going to catch my next break, among all the family chaos of the holidays, but I have to remind myself that it’s winding down and soon my life will be back to normal with one child and one husband.  The allure of running off to get a pedicure is tempting, but I need to feed my extra house guest and polish her mom’s jewelry as well as hopefully replenish her stock of earrings.  She’s 6′ tall and blonde… perfect for longer earrings I adore but unflattering to my short and stout neck on my 5′-4″ frame.  That may be my solace for today.  We’ll see.

I Googled how to be an introverted mom and came up with some good results.  I never thought about it before, but it’s a good lesson on how to deal with kids and teaching them the importance of quiet time.  Jesse’s right about going outside once the babies are old enough to run around.  There’s something magical about the outdoors with its lack of Internet and confinements.  Nothing like good ol’ fresh air.  If we have another baby, required quiet time will be good when I need a nap when I’m pregnant and Hui.1 is running around as a toddler.  Totally not looking forward to that yet but it’s good to mentally prepare for it.  We’ve both been sick so we’ve had extra cuddle time and extra naps.  I need to crash as soon as I’m done typing this.

One of my main goals for 2013 is trying to figure out how to balance being a mom and being an artist.  Lately I’ve been feeling very lackluster with the holidays running rampant and not having enough recharge time to get into my creative groove.  Maybe I have to be less picky and figure out a new way to pencil in creative time.  I’m not sure what needs to be done, other than something.  Also, something in my subconscious is poking me to get my cardio and stretching thing back on, even if it’s just for 2 or 3 songs the way Sashi used to warm us up back in the later part of 2008.  That really kicked my ass into shape.  Endorphins will probably help with the creativity as well.  I know for a fact that my creative spirit is directly linked with my bellydancing and I haven’t been able to go to class enough, simply because of family gatherings two Sundays in a row.  Jesse.1 and I got to go this past Sunday, so that was nice.  But I need more exercise in general to compliment it.  My obliques are already toning so well that my flub is slowly but surely shrinking.  It’s really awesome to watch my abs transform after pregnancy.  I feel stronger than ever, but stiffer than ever too.  My upper back and shoulders need more stretching as well as my hips.  I swear my hips are trying to get back to their normal elasticity but they’ve become extra stiff and have been cracking a lot more.  Bleh.

Okay, back to bed, then make the girls have a 15 minute dance party before we make Great Great Grandma Rorabaugh’s fudge (I told Jesse.1 we’ll make her fudge then call her to tell her how awesome it is.  She agreed that old people like being called on the telephone).

The 3 Glorious Huis

FYI, Hui means glorious.

My dad and I are introverts. We don’t have to talk about the important things, we both already kind of know what the other is thinking. It’s so innate that we don’t need to talk about it. So we spend a lot of time together in mutual, comfortable silence. When he does address something, it’s either profound or has a significant impact. Yup, very thought out and powerful without brute force. I’m too impulsive sometimes to be that profound and thought out (hence I dub myself as the Extroverted Introvert) and I stumble on my words because I do not think quickly when put on the spot. I hate being the center of attention also so that doesn’t help either.

I’ve been working with Dad for almost 7 years, living and breathing Traffic Engineering 24/7. As he stated in his speech at my wedding, we’d work really hard then occasionally go goof off at South Coast Plaza or at the Mercedes dealer. When Borders was still in business, we’d hop into his white convertible (his “I’ve earned it” car), grab some frozen yogurt on a cone from Golden Spoon and go to the bookstore. We’d take an afternoon walk around the hills in the neighborhood, harass the barking dogs, admire the flowering star jasmine, and reflect over God’s perfection when He made the star pine because it grows so perfectly symmetrical (Dad planted both the star jasmine and star pine at his “Once Upon a Time” house before I was born). Friday evenings, we’d finish dinner early and head to South Coast Plaza for a leisurely stroll of people watching and window shopping. Sometimes we’d find something to buy, or else he would frown and say there’s nothing that suits his taste. Lately (since I was only at the office during weekday business hours because he always tried to kick me out at 5pm so I could go home to my husband), we’d stop by the fish store to see if there were any new goldfish for his aquarium. I think the last time we went to South Coast Plaza together, his foot was still hurting and I was 7 or 8 months pregnant so we were both slowly waddling along. That must have been a sight to see. .

I miss spending time with Dad, even though I’ve probably spent more time with him than is healthy for a 20-something. But, I was his little shadow ever since I could remember. When I was 4, we would go down to the Orange Mall to walk around, check out the toy store for any new He-Man or Teddy Ruxpin toys and books, then go home. Later on, it was going to get frozen yogurt at Penguin’s, and then to the bookstore for the next 25 years. I followed him around the yard, hosing off the backyard, tending to the garden, and maintaining his koi ponds. All of the aunts and uncles used to say (and probably still say) they wished they had a Hui Hui (my family likes to double the first name as a nickname for me, my niece, and Hui.1).

The separation anxiety started when bellydance classes got moved from 6pm to 4pm. That meant less time Sunday afternoons to walk around the mall if we hadn’t done so already. That was the first pang of unnecessary guilt. Then it was spending more time with Jesse (duh) than spending with him. Then I got married and moved out. Now it’s I’m taking care of Hui.1 and working from the apartment most of the time. I think the upside of all of this is that he’s beyond overjoyed with Hui.1 and once he starts walking and eating snacks like crackers, he can follow Dad around like I used to. When I come over, he rushes over, takes the baby, and runs off, saying there’s some work sitting on my chair while he has serious discussions with Hui.1 (you’re so young and I’m so old) or they go off to visit with the fish and birds or go “harass Grandma”. His words, not mine.

I’ll tell you a secret…

Jesse and I hadn’t picked out a name yet, but Dad called while I was in the hospital and went on and on about how proud he was that we had picked the Chinese name he recommended. He explained Ming was his dad’s name. I was drugged up on morphine and utterly exhausted so I went along with it. After more high praise (a very, very rare occurrence), we hung up and I immediately asked Jesse if he was okay with the name and he had no one objections. So yeah… That’s how we decided on Hui.1′s first name.

The middle name was the easy part because he was a boy and he got Dad and my name by default. Again, Jesse didn’t mind. In Chinese culture, the boys have the same first name and different middle name. As the first boy in my family (I tease my dad Hui.1 is the first boy in 43 years, hehehe), I knew I had to give him that middle name. Besides, after a lifetime of trying to get people to properly pronounce my name, I strongly dislike saying it. Sure, I’ll name my jewelry business that but not my kid? Hahaha, the irony. If there’s another boy, I may have to give him Jesse as his middle name since Jesse doesn’t want to give him the fate of having a girl’s name (he blames Toy Story). But we’ll see. The girls all have the same middle name and different first name. At least I already know if we have any girls, their middle name will be my mom’s which is Ying.

Bottom line? I made my dad a little buddy.

Oh, and I’m going to the house/office on Tuesday. And this is the wedding picture I had framed for Mom and Dad… this is a Dad and I moment for sure.

Okay, I’ll stop with this one, but before Dad handed me off to Jesse, he told him to take good care of his baby.  He said forgot to make him raise his right hand.

On Introversion

I am an introvert. My mother coined the term “hatching” for my oldest sister who was always upstairs reading romance novels as a teenager or simply not being around with the family. I would hatch when I wasn’t hiding from a long day of work because there’s a distinct difference between hiding and hatching. I strongly recall celebrating my hatching time in 2011 because I was so busy with wedding plans and whatnot. But let’s go over the difference between hiding and hatching…

Hiding: the need to recharge after a long day of work or overstimulation from socialization.
Example: Watching He-Man to simply get lost in childhood nostalgia after a long, grueling day at the office.

Hatching: free time to get lost in thought. The freedom to sit around and enjoy my solitude.
Example: lounging around in silence, eventually working on jewelry designs, most likely *new* jewelry designs.

The right mindset needs to happen before I can design any new jewelry. The last time this occurred was the weekend before the baby was born. Jesse.1 was here for Labor Day weekend and we had nowhere to go on Sunday. So I let her play World of Warcraft on my computer while I sat around and made jewelry with my “Bach on a Steinway” album playing in the background. That was an awesome day… I made a pretty necklace out of nowhere. It truly embodies the notion of “spontaneous design” because I sat at my workbench with no set idea of what to do. I simply sat there because I wanted to, I had the time, and I wanted to see if anything would come to fruition.

Hui.1 is starting to sleep longer 5-7 hours a night, so I’m slowly starting to feel the shift between hiding and hatching. I’m hatching now because we both got about 7 hours of sleep and he’s down for his next round of sleep. I’m parked on the futon, previously reading a book about introversion, and now writing this post. I recall putting him down for a short nap then telling Jesse I was going to go hide in the front room. Hiding is more of recharging my mind and body whereas hatching is recharging my soul. I was exhausted so I was sitting on the futon, wondering what to do with myself. Such a stark difference…

Productive Day

I was very productive today.  I got some day job stuff done, made myself some chicken ginger porridge (thanks for the chicken, Mom!), finished some earrings, tumbled 2 pairs of earrings and a Perfect Ring, and mailed it out!  Whew!  All the while taking care of this adorable little Hui.1.  Yeah, he’s a real ham… his great grandmother says he looks like Jesse with thoughts too big for his little baby body.

Sometimes I wonder where I’m going and what I’m doing with my jewelry designs.  I was wondering about that tonight and after what I hope to be the last feeding for the evening, I’m fine doing what I’m doing.  Mostly focusing on Chainmaille with a Hui Twist and Perfect Rings.  I love my chainmaille and will continue to have bracelets in each weave on hand, and maybe some in different gauges, but the main draw will be the other stuff.  I’m simply acknowledging my roots and putting my own spin on things.

One thing I finally understood early this morning is that to truly be creative, one must have solitude.  Hui.1 woke up at 3am, went back to bed at 4am, and I couldn’t sleep because that was a decent 5 hours of sleep.  So I got up to tidy a bit and work on those earrings because I really wanted to get them mailed out today.  I was also browsing through Zen Habits’ archives and found this post about creativity.  I also found this post about white space and why cleaning is good for the soul.  My stage was set… I was satisfied with my cleaning spree, it was quiet, the baby was asleep, so I was free to take some time for myself.  Hitting that sweet spot is hard, but once you get it, the clarity is amazing and always worth the wait.  I still need to clean up around the workbench, but it’s a work in progress.  It just depends how the day/week goes and if I have time for a nap and if baby agrees with my plan because for now, it’s all about him.  But being a mother is not my shining glory.  It’s just another facet that makes up the Royal Hui Pants.

Engineer, Artist, Bellydancer, Daughter, Wife, Mother.

Postpartum Lockdown ~ Week 1

So Hui.1 and I have been home for a week now.  The human body is really quite an amazing thing.  A week ago, I still felt like crap; my incision was still hurting therefore making my abs not fully functional, so getting in and out of bed was the biggest chore ever.  When I woke up after the first day in the hospital, my neck muscles were sore because of the extra compensation my body was making for the lack of functional ab muscles.  Yeah, that sucked.  Monday, walking to the mailbox was a chore, but I feel a heck of a lot better now.  Spirits are up because I sleep when the baby sleeps and my body is actually doing its job and healing.  The baby has been eating so much better than last week.  I pumped way too much and engorged my breasts with milk, but now that he’s eating more regularly, my body is compensating and not making quite so much milk.  Unfortunately, he wakes up every 2-3 hours, starving, so my internal clock is waaaaaay off base.  But whatever, it’s part of the Mommy job.

Mom’s been bringing over food when Jesse’s at the office.  It’s been really nice to have home cooked food again.  Of course, chicken and pork cooked with the bone so I get all the benefits of the calcium in the bone marrow, laced with as much ginger as possible.  I adore the lockdown concept, simply because it’s an introvert’s dream vacation.  Other than taking care of the baby, which is fairly simple because he sleeps so soundly, I’m thoroughly enjoying myself.  Sure, there are times it’s frustrating, especially with his hands getting in the way during feedings, but it all works out.  I nap once he’s out for a few hours and I feel really energized.  I watch Buffy and when I was pumping, I would pump for 90% of the duration of a He-Man episode.  These past few days, Thursday, I think, I finally worked up the energy to work on some jewelry stuff.  Since this is a time for healing, it’s appropriate that I get to do what I love the most.  And I have the cutest baby ever.

Hatching

I’ve been hatching lately… collecting ideas, resting, and nesting.  Thursday night, I was fluttering around the apartment doing my ADD cleaning.  Basically tackling several areas without intensive focus.  Oh, this needs to be thrown away, oh, that needs to be put away, etc.  I was happy because I was cleaning and moving around.  I’ve found myself getting stagnant and stir crazy because of sitting too much most of the day.  Cleaning the apartment is a good way for me to combat the lazy.  I was also not hungry because I had some green tea earlier so I needed to burn it off before I could eat dinner.  I cleared the beads off of my place mat, cleared all the mail from the kitchen counter (then made it SPARKLE on Saturday), found the missing wedding invitation I should have been looking for but forgot, and put away stuff from the Georgia trip.

Saturday, a friend stopped by in the morning to drop off some baby stuff.  So I now have a baby bathtub full of miscellaneous toys Jesse and I need to go through.  He made us French toast for breakfast and cleaned the kitchen the way he likes it.  Yes, I put away my tumbler and he put the cinnamon alphabet cookies back on top of the refrigerator.  Smart and Final is great for staples like peanut butter, but I’ve had this giant tub of cookies and I’m not even close to finishing it… oops.  He did laundry while I visited with my friend a little bit, then I crashed on the futon reading the latest Shabby Chic book I found at Target. ♥  Jesse’s lucky we’re having a boy or else he’d be swamped with rich romantic floral sheets, blankets, and dresses.  Hahaha.  For now it’s just Snoopy and dragons without pink cottage roses.

After a nap and eating the rest of the French toast for lunch, we headed to Hollywood for his college friend’s wedding.  The church was plopped right in the middle of Sunset Blvd, past the CNN building.  My sister used to work in that building once upon a time.  I never realized how far Hollywood is compared to Downtown LA.  The ceremony started a half hour after what was printed on the invitation, which was pretty smart of them to do.  I’m fairly certain my wedding started within 15 minutes of the invitation time.  Dad and I just forgot to pull the blusher over my face, but he would have gotten it tangled like he did my sister’s.  Hehehe.  It was a full Mass and I kept teasing Jesse how much he lucked out with our wedding.  He noted that the aisle was really long compared to ours.  It was a proper Catholic Church with its ornate wood ceiling carvings, rod iron decor, and a lot more statues than what I’m used to.  Still, it was a beautiful ceremony and felt very comforting to be back inside the church.  I’ll go back eventually, but when I’m not so clingy.  I still have a hint of separation anxiety but I usually ignore it and leave anyway, but not without making sure the apartment is remotely clean. >.<

The Extroverted Introvert

I am an extroverted introvert.  Depending on my mood, I flip back and forth between ISTJ and ISTP (it’s the constant battle between my engineering logic and creative whimsy).  So yeah, I’m a walking, breathing contradiction.  For instance…

“ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed.”

“ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to “do their own thing”. Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.”

So, some rules are meant to be followed and some meant to be broken.  Given the situation where I can, I will go out and do my own thing, assuming it’s legal and won’t jeopardize the status quo unless it’s really, really important for me to fight back. I really do feel mushed in between both these personality types, but at least I’m consistently “IST”.  Action-oriented, practical, logical, emotionally inept, etc.

 

Jesse and I were eating breakfast the other morning (cereal and fresh strawberries) and I mentioned something about being an introvert and he disagreed because I’m either going out or talking with people all the time (via telephone, IM, etc) when I’m home alone.  Yes, I go out but usually to meet with small groups of people.  Dance class is a perfect example.  There’s about 10 of us, give or take a few given weekend circumstances.  Other than that it’s usually 1 or 2 other people at a time.  Mostly 1 person I’m meeting up with.  As I’ve aged, matured, and all that, my tolerance for large crowds and a busy day has gotten very, very thin.  I need time to recover from all the chaos.  As for talking on the phone and IM, as soon as I’m distracted, I say my goodbyes and follow that distraction.  Usually it’s something shiny, either my tools or something to watch on Netflix.

And see?  It’s part of my personality type…

“ISTPs are often likeable and have more friends and social interaction than is normal for an Introvert. The ISTP genuinely enjoys the company of their friends, and needs their input in his or her physical world to maintain their understanding of their own place in the world. An ISTP’s feeling of success is dependent primarily upon their mastery of their physical world, but is also dependent upon the existence of strong, reliable, interpersonal relationships. Without these relationships, the ISTP is likely to avoid relationships, isolate him or herself, and feel very vulnerable to rejection and hurt.”

I haven’t done this as much as I’ve wanted to, but I love sitting in the front room, watching the afternoon sun bathe the room in a gorgeously warm light and slowly taper off into the darkness.  That’s definitely what I’m going to be doing next week as I recuperate from the art show.  I only have plans to go out on Wednesday to meet an old college friend for dinner.  Here’s a great article about introverts and how the world is run by extroverts.  

Again, I don’t like chaos and instability.

“An ISTJ’s feeling of success depends upon being able to use their experience for the benefit of an institution, and also upon the level of structure and lack of chaos in their life, and in the health and welfare of their family or other social structure.”

Creative Flow

I’ve never been much of a planner… why do you think wedding planning was so difficult for me?  I just go with the flow and try to get things done.  Maybe you could say I’m one of those people who prefers to “live in the moment” instead of trying to plan every single detail out of every single day.  That’s why I don’t like trying to schedule multiple social activities in one day because if one runs over the allotted time, then I’ll be running late for the next appointment.  And that wears me out too much, so I try not to do that whenever I can.  I’m not sure if this is necessarily true since I’ve been married, but if I have a full day of activity, I like to spend the next day (assuming it’s a weekend) resting and recuperating.  Duh, I’m an introvert.

Trying to tell yourself you’re going to be creative during a set time usually has the opposite effect… so I go with the flow of the evening/weekend and see where it takes me.  Jesse and I make dinner, eat, then decide what to do depending what time it is.  Usually it’ll be about 7, so there’s time to do stuff before getting ready for bed around 9 or 9:30… he’s turned me into an old woman, I can’t stay up past 11 anymore.  When we went to Medieval Times the other night for a friend’s birthday party, it was probably about 10 and we were exhausted. So yeah, going with the flow has significantly helped my creativity.  Between that and keeping house, I’ve been doing pretty well.  Now to just make it home in time to catch some of the remaining sunlight that filters into the apartment.  Eh, hopefully next week since this weekend is supposed to be pouring rain.  But if it rains, that means I get to cozy up with a blanket and hot chocolate and watch the rain fall.  Haven’t done that in forever.

Jesse does a good job of occupying himself in the same room as me, he isn’t so distracting that I can’t be in the same room.  My inner introvert sings and he even laughs at some of my TV shows via Netflix.  Hehehe.  Yay for marital bonding.  I have to say that even though he’s been leaving super early in the morning this week, I’ve been happy to have him home in the evenings.  Yeah, please gag on our disgusting cuteness.  Everyone else does.

The Price of Being Epic

I’m happy to announce that I finally finished an order!  Whoo hoo!  Time to grab an envelope and mail it out.

I am prepping for my 2nd bellydance performance and I’m starting to feel the awesomeness and anxiety that comes with performing.  I haven’t been home enough and the introvert is dying for some quiet time at the house.  Since the Kid is coming tonight, I’ll send her off with her dad for some quality father-daughter time so I can rest at home until we need to head up to the hafla.  As much as it’s rewarding to be on stage and perform, it’s really draining and my inner introvert really wants to stay home and hide for the next week or so.  Only to come out for maybe food and definitely regular dance practice.