You Are Enough

It was a nice Thanksgiving full of family and fun for 4 days straight. Then the tingling in your throat starts to rear its ugly head and hinders your Monday enough to keep the husband home to cuddle and watch silly survival shows. But not enough to skip the trek over to Trader Joe’s to stock barren cupboards and eliminate that annoying, nagging question of “what’s for dinner?”

Tuesday, the sore throat has settled in, along with the random aches and stuffy/runny nose. All you want to do is sleep, even though you have a jewelry show to prep for and a smiling face depending on you. So you compromise on sleep for baby cuddles and lots of TV streaming online. Hubby is still coughing and snorting after he comes home from the office which means another evening of silly survival shows.

By Wednesday, the baby has caught whatever bug that had been going around. Panic ensues and dr appointments made. Dr says not to worry and bring him back if he’s wheezing or gets a fever. More baby cuddles and still sweating out the last of the germs. Still tired but sore throat has subsided. Nose still running and body achy.

By Friday, epic stir crazy. Hubby feels well enough to get his butt kicked at jujitsu while you stay home to stare at the baby and the walls because you’re feeling we’ll enough to be alert but not enough to leave the apartment. The BBC version of Merlin is on Netflix and highly addictive. Ants are still invading the kitchen, despite futile attempts to vacuum them up and dispose of their food source before they find it. Pizza is ordered and a nap is asking for too much because baby still wants to cuddle. The helplessness settles in, the resentment of germs, the frustration of the mess that’s slowly taking over the apartment, but no willpower to actually tidy.

But amidst all the darkness, there is hope… that voice in your head that’s been telling you all week how to survive the chatty wrath of an 8 year old girl for 7 days and 7 nights. How to smile through the social exhaustion related to all things Christmas. Creating new routines so everyone who lives within 700 square feet is getting enough sleep. When to say, “I’m staying home today” and send the kids to the park to burn off all that youthful energy. Watching that new little smile get bigger and bigger and acknowledge with a hug that you are “his mommy”. And finally banishing all those insecurities of not being good enough and accepting that you are more than enough, even at your lowest.


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